This is probably going to be the most difficult blog post I’ve ever written, but I have felt for a long time that I owed the people who have been so wonderfully supportive of me throughout my career an explanation for what probably seemed to be a very abrupt exit. I never explained because it was all very…personal. And I didn’t want to share my burdens with others who had burdens of their own to carry.
Four years ago, when I first left the career I’d worked so hard to build – the work that I’d dearly loved for so long, I thought I was doing what was for the best. A year or so prior, I’d been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that left me exhausted to the point of being incapable of getting out of bed some days (which is very strange for me, given that I have trouble not being active, even when I have a bad cold), we were facing the possibility that I had cancer (thankfully, after many tests and months of watching, that turned out not to be the case) and I had contracted a systemic infection that left me bedridden for 3 months soon after leaving my career behind. After over a decade of working 6 days a week (and sometimes 7) so as not to let my clients down, I was finding myself having to cancel appointments on a regular basis (something I’d vowed early on never to do), which left me emotionally overwrought with feelings of guilt and sadness. To say it was a painful and difficult time would be a vast understatement. And in the midst of it all, I lost several family members in a very short time and did my very best to process my grief while trying to juggle my work, my health and my family. So the solution seemed obvious: in order to not completely let down my clients who had been so supportive and kind to me throughout my career, I had to leave my work.
I struggled with the decision for months; I love my work and felt like I was truly helping people and making a difference in the world. But ultimately, I knew that I needed some time to heal. When I left, though, I desperately missed talking with my clients & connecting with loved ones in spirit – I felt like a boat lost at sea. So, after about a year and a half of rest, I decided to come back. I was very rusty, but thrilled to be “home.” Unfortunately, what I hadn’t learned during my absence was the importance of moderation and protecting my time and energy. So I jumped back in with both feet, worked non-stop, once again started struggling physically and, feeling like I was letting my clients down again, started struggling emotionally as well. All of this culminated in the worst autoimmune flare up of my life, so once again, I was forced by my health to leave my work behind.
This time though, I was determined to do things differently; during my sabbatical, I spent a lot of time on my artwork, which I also love, I spent a lot of time out in nature and I really focused on healing the dysfunction in my body and heart. I forgave myself for the client appointments that I’d had to reschedule because I was having autoimmune flare ups and instead remembered that I had *tried* – I wasn’t always physically able to do it, but I really tried to be there for my clients when they needed me. I began really listening to the things my body was telling me (and, among other things, it turned out that it was telling me to kick my sugar addiction, which was incredibly difficult!). I slowed down and spent time with my furkids, with the wildlife around our property and with the trees, just listening to nature’s pace. I spent a lot of time with my loved ones who had crossed over. I even started a rat and mouse rescue and learned from them the importance of really being present in every single moment, because life is short for all of us. And a year and a half later, I found myself feeling better than I have in 10 years and ready to return to the work I love.
So here I am, back again, but this time I’m focusing on navigating a little more gently and being a little kinder to myself when I falter, as we all inevitably do. I’m going to be taking occasional vacations (something I’ve literally NEVER done in my entire career) and nurturing myself enough to take full days off (also something I’ve never done). Hopefully all of this will make a world of difference and I won’t have the need to take another sabbatical, because I never feel completely whole when I’m not connecting with others. Intuitive and medium work is such an intrinsic part of who I am, that I feel unmoored without it; maybe some of you can relate, even if you don’t necessarily do this type of work.
I hope that others will learn from my mistakes and really take good care of yourself; even if you’re doing something that you love, it’s easy to overdo it and stop listening to what your body needs. We are made up of our mind, spirit AND body and it’s important to balance, nourish and protect all of them. It’s something I’ve preached to my clients for years, but it was so easy to lose sight of.
If you’re reading this, please know that I’m grateful that you’ve stayed with me on this journey!
So glad you’re doing better and so excited you are back. I’ve never found a medium like you in my search since you’ve been healing you are truly talented and I cannot wait to have a reading with you ❤️. I can relate to the work life balance it’s so important to take time for yourself always listen to your body.
Savina, I have been going to you for almost 20 years now, and I am so glad that you are back and even more happy to hear that you are going to take the time you need for yourself. We both have had autoimmune flare ups due to over doing it! I hope I can learn from you and slow down myself. I have had several other readers over the years, but NONE compare to the gift that you have! Here’s to many years to come and great health along the way.